Well, it is the eve of the birthday of our first child. Everyone I talk to keeps asking me, "How are you feeling?", and although this is such an appropriate question, I never know what to say. I'm feeling many things, and if you really want an honest answer, we'll be here for a while, and we'll both be drained by the end:) For those of you who know me well know that I'll be able to give a more concise answer in a few weeks. My friends call me a "post-processor", as my emotions and assessments tend to be more "clear" as reflections. What I can do for you right now, though, is reflect on the past few weeks. Although they have not been all "peaches and cream", it is important to embrace it all and look for the moments of blessing throughout.
First came the discovery that our baby decided to stay in the breech position. We are grateful that there are safe ways to deliver our stubborn baby :) but it took some effort to prepare for this type of birth. It has been difficult to process the emotions, as well as all of the opinions and stories offered by well-meaning sharers. It has also brought up reflections surrounding the difficult parallels to this past October. On the other hand, it has given me practice in allowing others to love on me, something I don't always experience comfortably. God knows what we need. God knows.
Matt and I then had a few days to let the news settle before he had to leave on a trip as part of training this year's Resident Assistants. My wonderful Mom came up from Chicago for a few days and helped get a lot of things ready. She painted the baby's room, painted the crib and changing table, helped clean, made meals to freeze, shopped for groceries and baby items, and kept me company while Matt was gone. It was wonderful! Thank you, Mom, for your steady love and support, as well as helping me get things done!
After she left, Matt came back, and life has been a bit of a blur since then. These have been the two busiest weeks of Matt's work-year, and this timing has been interesting. In all honesty, it has been really, really hard. We haven't seen much of each other. Matt is in meetings all day and all evening, and has to prepare for the next day late into the night. I've tried to stay on top of our ever-growing check-list to prepare for the baby, and have done what I can to make life easier for Matt. I haven't been able to prepare things at school because I have been directed to stay within 15-20 minutes of the hospital (this is because of the chance of a prolapsed cord due to the position of the baby, combined with regular contractions that I've been experiencing). Both of us miss being able to just "be" together, and the ability to experience these last couple of weeks as just the two of us. Normally, we might sit and talk about huge life events like this for hours. Both of us enjoy this and need this, and it is a way that we feel close. I guess you could say that we are both emotionally constipated right now, as we have not been able to do this for a while. We are thankful however for our jobs, and for all of the support we've been feeling from both of our understanding staffs. We also look forward to figuring out how we experience life as the THREE of us!
Please pray for Matt, that he is able to make ample brain-space to truly prepare in mind and spirit for this miracle (it's 10pm right now, and he's still not home). Please pray for safety for the baby and for me. Please pray for simplicity, joy, and balance. All of these requests stand, even if you read this after tomorrow's events.
We plan to have pictures posted very soon, so keep checking back! Thank you for all of your love, support, and prayers. You each mean so much to us, and God touches our lives through you!
Pregan Megan!
A little humor in a busy time... exploding candle! (We also know who did this!! You know who you are!)
The soon-to-be-parents on a fancy date in downtown Chicago. (Brazilian Steakhouse .... very good!)
